The Long Way Around

I've been walking slower lately.

That sounds like a small thing. For me it isn't. I have always been in a hurry. Hurrying to the car, hurrying through the store, hurrying to the next thing so I could hurry through that too. Even when nothing was waiting on me I walked like something was.

I don't think I ever decided to be that way. It just became normal. If I was moving fast it felt like I was getting somewhere.

So a while back I started slowing down. Not on purpose at first. Then on purpose.

The strange part is my thoughts slowed down too. I didn't expect that. I used to have three or four things running in my head at once, all of them half finished. Now it's more like one thing at a time. I notice the trees along the road. I notice when it's cold enough to see my breath. I hear birds I probably walked past for years.

It's peaceful. That's the best word I have for it.

And it feels like I'm finally in control. I always thought hurrying was how I stayed in control. Getting ahead of things, staying on top of everything. But really the hurry was in charge and I was just following it around.

Now I'm the one setting the pace. Most days anyway.

I still catch myself speeding up. Usually I don't notice until I'm halfway across a parking lot. Then I remember and slow down again. It's a habit I'm still breaking. It'll take some time.

I don't know if the long way around really takes longer. Maybe it does. I guess I'm finding out I don't mind.